


Losing Everything

by Warden_Champion_Inquisitor



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Grief, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I suck at tagging, Jiraiya is a father figure, Pain, Probably Garbage, Reader-Insert, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 19:39:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12239370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warden_Champion_Inquisitor/pseuds/Warden_Champion_Inquisitor
Summary: (Y/N) thought that things couldn't get any worse. Then Pain attacks the village.





	Losing Everything

**Author's Note:**

> So the ending of this kind of sucks but I just wanted to finish this. I might go back and edit it later.

A chilling breeze swept through the empty streets of Konoha. It had been three days since the news of Jiraiya’s death swept through the village, three days since she had eaten, three days since she had been out of her room, three days since she had uttered a sound other than weeping. She laid in bed, staring at the blue wall. Studying the imperfections of the wall was the only thing (Y/N) had done while she laid in bed, other than walking to her adjacent en-suite to see to her needs. She had shut everyone out. People came in to try to comfort her, but she could never hear the words they were trying to say over the roaring words in her head. _Jiraiya is dead._ They were Tsunade’s words. They had only seen fit for Tsunade to tell (Y/N) the news considering that it was Tsunade and Jiraiya who had raised (Y/N). They were the only two people who she would ever call mother and father even though they had no blood relation. And now, one of them was taken away from her, never to be seen again. (Y/N) would never hear his laugh, feel his love, or see his face ever again. And no one would be able to replace him. (Y/N)’s skin prickled with goosebumps as a particularly cold breeze blew through her open window.

She faintly heard the door open. (Y/N) laid there numb as the lock of the door sounded followed by a thud of a backpack on the ground. Somewhere in the back of her mind a voice dimly whispered, _Kakashi,_ barely loud enough to be heard over the constant onslaught of _Jiraiya is dead._ He said nothing as he stripped his vest and threw his hitai-ate onto the dresser. The bed dipped as Kakashi pulled her back to his chest. He knew that it wasn’t comforting words that she needed right now, it was the touch of a loved one that would help her the most. He wished he could’ve been home sooner to comfort her in the way only he knew how to do because it was the only thing that would pull her back from this daze of anguish. Kakashi’s arms found their hold around her waist as he kissed her cheek. For a few moments (Y/N) laid there, still numb with grief until she finally succumbed to his gentle and comforting touch. She turned her body to face him and buried her face in his muscular chest. A fresh wave of tears fell as Kakashi gently rubbed comforting circles on the small of her back. (Y/N) gripped his shirt tightly as she cried for her dead father. Kakashi’s lips brushed the top of (Y/N)’s head as his grip tightened around her, not wanting to let go until she was feeling better. Naruto would be home tomorrow and (Y/N) needed to be ready to comfort him because Jiraiya was also like a father to Naruto, so (Y/N) would know exactly what he was going through. Kakashi prayed that Pain would stay away from their village long enough for both Naruto and (Y/N) to recover from this grief.

That night (Y/N) slept like the dead as she recovered from three days of grieving. Once Kakashi had talked to her about what had happened on his mission and what Tsunade had told him about Pain, (Y/N) realized that she needed to push her grief aside and ready both herself and Naruto for battle. She had already lost one person she loved to Pain, so she vowed to do everything she could to stop him from hurting anyone else.

(Y/N) awoke to Kakashi still sleeping soundly beside her. She stared at his face for a few moments with a gentle smile before she silently slid out of bed and took a shower for the first time in three days. She was surprised and thankful that Kakashi had endured her stench whilst comforting her. He really was amazing. She stripped her clothes and threw them into the hamper before she entered the already steaming shower. (Y/N) sighed as the heat washed over her body, warming her chilled bones. The shower door opened and Kakashi stepped into the steaming heat of the water enveloping (Y/N) in his arms warmer her even more.

“It’s a good thing you decided to shower.” He said and bit (Y/N)’s earlobe playfully. “I didn’t know how much longer I could’ve lasted.” (Y/N) laughed smacking his shoulder and reached around him for the shampoo. “But how are you feeling today (Y/N)?” His eyes softened as he asked. (Y/N) lathered her hair as she responded.

“I feel better but I can still feel that heavy sense of grief in the pit of my stomach when stuff reminds me of him.” She confessed quietly. “But, I’ve decided that I need to stop crying about it and do what Jiraiya would’ve wanted me to do.” Her jaw was set with determination.

“And what would that be?” Kakashi questioned.

“I’m going to teach Naruto how to become a Sage.” (Y/N) replied while rinsing the shampoo out of her hair. “I know that Naruto can do it. He has the determination and the chakra for it.”

“And,” Kakashi added, the warmth of love flashing in his charcoal eyes, “He has both you and Lord Fukasaku to teach him. Naruto will do just fine.” The smile that made her fall in love with the masked ninja spread across Kakashi’s face.

“I know he will.” She kissed him, thinking about what the next few weeks would bring.

“Summoning Jutsu!” (Y/N) said as her hand met dirt. And, it was none other than Lord Fukasaku who had answered her call.

“Ah, (Y/N)-girl, I had a feeling you wanted to see me.” The toad replied with a grim smile. “How have you been since Jiraiya-boy-” (Y/N) cut him off before he could finish, before he could stir up unwanted thoughts.

“I'm doing okay Lord Fukasaku.” She replied with a sad smile. “But I wanted to know what you thought about teaching Naruto how to be a Sage?” Lord Fukasaku’s face held no look of surprise.

“I was actually thinking the same thing, (Y/N)-girl.” He confessed. “I think that would be a great idea.”

“Then both you and I could train him together.” (Y/N) explained. “I know I never completed my training, but I think that I could help Naruto master it.” Jiraiya had tried to teach her to become a sage, but unfortunately, she wasn’t able to master it, no matter how hard she tried. And try she had. For days on end, she trained at Mount Myoboku, enduring Lord Fukasaku’s beatings when she started to turn into a toad. In the end, she couldn’t become a Sage but that didn’t mean she couldn’t train someone else to become one.

“Yes, I believe having you there, having you teach Naruto, would be a very good idea.” The toad agreed.

“Good, then it’s settled.” She said, “When Naruto gets back if he’s up for it, we’ll teach him how to become a sage.”

After her meeting with Lord Fukasaku, (Y/N) met with the Hokage to discuss her plans.

“Come in,” Tsunade answered (Y/N)’s knock on the door. Tsunade didn’t look up from her desk as (Y/N) entered the small room. She looked so worn out, a look of annoyance on her face at the interruption which softened when she realized that it was (Y/N) who had entered. “(Y/N), how are you doing?” Tsunade immediately asked. Sighing, (Y/N) took a seat in front of the Hokage’s desk.

“I, I want to say I feel better but I really don’t.” (Y/N) replied fiddling with the ring Kakashi had given her. “I’m sorry that I ignored all of you. I was just so far gone with grief-”

“Don’t apologize (Y/N),” Tsunade comforted. “I was never very good at that in the first place. That was always Jiraiya’s job. It seems now it’s Kakashi’s job.” (Y/N) smiled through the pain of the memories that came flooding back.

“Yes, Kakashi has definitely been a good help with that.” (Y/N) said quietly.

“I’m so very glad that you found someone as amazing as him (Y/N).” Tsunade smiled.

“So am I.” (Y/N) agreed. “But, I did come here on business. I would like to help train Naruto as a sage at Mount Myoboku.”

After weighing the options, Tsunade had agreed with (Y/N) and gave her the approval she needed. Now (Y/N) would have to wait for Naruto to return.

To help pass the time, (Y/N) went around the village asking people if they needed help with anything. By the time the time the sun had set, she was so tired she could barely walk. As if he knew that she was tired, Kakashi appeared in front of her with a smile on his masked face.

“Perfect timing.” (Y/N) smiled back at him.

“Of course.” He replied slipping an arm around her waist to help keep her upright. “You need to eat.” Her stomach growled as if to agree with Kakashi which made them both laugh.

“I don’t think I’ve eaten all day.” (Y/N) confessed. So, Kakashi led them back to Ichiraku Ramen to have a steaming bowl of ramen. Once they finished, they walked back to their shared house. (Y/N) changed into her night clothes and crawled into Kakashi’s open arms.

“It’s nice to finally spend some time together for once.” He said as she made herself comfortable. She snuggled into the blankets and into Kakashi’s warm chest which made up for the cool breeze that flitted through their window.

“Yeah, it really is.” She murmured, sleep fast approaching.

“I love you (Y/N),” Kakashi said kissing her forehead.

“I love you too.” And with that (Y/N) drifted into a dreamless sleep.

It turned out that Naruto had returned home that night, so, it was today that they would have to tell him the news. Kakashi was to go and get Naruto and bring him to the Hokage’s office. Then they would all be there to tell him.

(Y/N) paced as she waited for the two shinobi to arrive. She would have to keep her composure during the talk, which would be more difficult than she had thought. Finally, a knock on the door sounded and they pair entered. Naruto walked to the middle of the room while Kakashi took up a position beside (Y/N), gently laying his hand on the small of her back.

“What’s wrong? Why is everyone here?” Naruto asked.

“You must be Naruto-boy,” Lord Fukasaku said but then got straight to the point. “Jiraiya-boy has been killed.”

Again, the familiar ringing came back to (Y/N)’s ears as those words repeated through her head. _Jiraiya is dead._ The angry shouts from Naruto faded into background noise as she tried her hardest to keep the tears that had been searing at the back of her eyes from falling. Kakashi noticed her distress and began to rub comforting circles on her back. Time slowed for her as she fought to keep calm. Finally, the slamming of a door brought (Y/N) back to her senses. The tears stung her eyes as she finally let her own flow once more.

“If you would excuse us, Lady Tsunade,” Kakashi said and Tsunade nodded, a morose look on her face. Kakashi led (Y/N) out of the office and back towards their house. (Y/N) silently cried as they walked, her tears stopping before they reached the house.

“Kakashi,” (Y/N) said pulling him to a stop. “I need to talk to Naruto.”

“Will you be alright?” He asked concern laced in his voice. She nodded. “Alright then, I’ll be waiting at home then.” Kakashi pulled down his mask and gave (Y/N) a long kiss. (Y/N) pulled away and went in search of Naruto.

(Y/N) found Naruto sitting on a bench with a popsicle in his hand that was melting. She was about to approach when Iruka beat her to it. She stood in the shadows as Iruka had a conversation with Naruto, about what, she didn’t know. But, she was glad that Naruto had more than just Jiraiya who was like a father to him. Once Iruka left, Naruto began to cry. (Y/N) approached. Naruto heard her footsteps and looked up.

“(Y/N)-Sensei.” He said quietly. “What are you doing here?” She gave him a gentle but sad smile as she sat down beside him.

“I didn’t want to leave you all by yourself.” She replied putting an arm around his shoulders. Naruto leaned into her touch and for the next couple of hours, they sat in silence taking comfort in each other.

The next few days flew by in a blur of discussions, decoding and interrogating. Once they had figured out how to decode Jiraiya’s message, (Y/N) and Naruto went to Mount Myoboku to train Naruto as a sage. The training was going great. They had been at it for two weeks and Naruto had learned just about all there was to learn. Now, he was about to start the merge training with Lord Fukasaku. They made it to the training grounds when (Y/N) felt like she was punched in the gut. She tried to steady her breathing as an overwhelming sense of dread and loss swept over her.

“I'm sorry Naruto, but I have to get back to the village.” She told him, too worried to explain why.

“But (Y/N)-sensei-” Before any of them could ask why she disappeared.

What she saw when she arrived back at the village made her forget to breathe. The village was completely destroyed.

“(Y/N)-sensei!” She heard Shikamaru call but she didn’t answer. Since she had trained to be a sage, she could sense everyone’s chakra. And the one most important to her was missing. (Y/N) became still as Ino and Shikamaru tried to get her attention. Kakashi, his chakra was gone, which only meant that he was dead. _Shinobi don’t show their emotions._ The words echoed through her head as she forced herself to become completely numb.

“Give me a status report.” (Y/N) commanded and Katsuyu briefed her on what had happened. Biting her finger hard enough to draw blood, she summoned a messenger toad. “Tell Naruto that he needs to get back to the village right now.”

“Alright.” The toad replied, face grim. (Y/N) turned back to Shikamaru.

“What can I do?” She needed to find something to do, something to make her forget about Kakashi.

“There may still be people trapped in the debris. Take Katsuyu and try to rescue anyone you can find.” She nodded and let Katsuyu climb onto her shoulder and set off. (Y/N) had finished sweeping the north side of the village when Naruto had finally shown up. From where she was she could see Naruto and the Pains battling it out in the middle of the wreckage. (Y/N) continued trying to find survivors while sending a silent prayer to the gods to keep Naruto safe.

Finally, after uncounted minutes, Katsuyu told (Y/N) that Naruto had defeated the Pains and was now looking for the true Pain. “(Y/N), I’m so sorry but Kakashi-”

“I know Katsuyu.” She whispered. Again, she bit her thumb drawing blood to use the summoning jutsu. But, this time she was not summing a toad. She and Kakashi shared a contract with the Ninken; ninja hounds. With the jutsu, (Y/N) summoned all the ninja hounds that were under their contract, knowing that they too would want to help find Kakashi’s body.

“Hey, Boss.” Pakkun greeted grimly. (Y/N) was about to tell them about Kakashi when Pakkun said, “We know Boss. We knew because of the contract.” Busuke nudged her leg in comfort.

“Will you help me find him?” She asked quietly looking at the ground to hide her tears.

“Of course.” Pakkun agreed and they began the search. The Ninken easily sniffed out his location. When they were close, they slowed to a walk as (Y/N) faltered. Bull noticed her hesitation and approached her motioning for (Y/N) to lean on him for support. She gave a grateful smile to the large hound and continued to walk forwards. (Y/N) bit her lip as they rounded a corner and she saw a flash of silver hair.

“(Y/N)-sensei!” She faintly heard over the roaring in her ears. She stopped in her tracks as what she saw broke her heart. There he was; the love of her life. The man who held her when she cried. The man who saved her from herself. The man who she had fallen utterly in love with. She covered her mouth to stifle her sob but failed. (Y/N) stumbled towards his limp body, grief taking over.

“No,” She choked out as she reached him. (Y/N) dropped to her knees, too numb to feel the debris dig into them causing them to bleed. Her hands were shaking as she laid it on his exposed cheek. He was so cold. She didn’t notice the Ninken come closer when she let out a strangled scream. She began to hyperventilate as she pulled his body onto her lap.

“Kakashi,” She sobbed in anguish. Faintly she heard the Ninken begin to howl for their dead companion which only made her cry harder. Her shoulder shook with the force of her sobs. Why did this have to happen? It was all her fault. If she would’ve stayed here he would still be alive. (Y/N) wished that the rolls would’ve been reversed. That she would’ve died and he would’ve lived. She rested her head on his unmoving chest and cried. She felt a hand on her shoulder but ignored it. no matter what anyone said, no matter what anyone did, it wouldn’t bring him back, it wouldn’t sooth the aching pain that throbbed in her hollow chest. Nothing could fix her. “Why? Why couldn’t it be me?” Her fist clenched his jacket as her tears stained it. She would never recover from this. A hound nudged her side but she didn’t bother to look up.

“Because it wasn’t your time.” Her head shot up, her eyes still glistening with tears. “Looks like it wasn’t mine either.” Her wide eyes met Kakashi’s. She scrambled back not believing what she saw, what she heard.

“Kakashi?” She whispered finally realizing that she wasn’t crazy. A fresh wave of tears hit her as she threw herself at the silver-haired ninja. He let out a grunt as she wrapped her arms around him and cried, this time they were tears of joy.

“Hey, it’s alright.” He comforted and wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tightly. Once (Y/N) put her emotions in check, they got up and made their way to the group of people who were slowly forming. They were all waiting for Naruto. Kakashi looked at their tightly clasped hands. “I should go and look for Naruto.” (Y/N) didn’t want to part with Kakashi but agreed and watched him run off with his Ninken towards Naruto’s scent. She wiped her eyes and joined the waiting crowd.

Not long after Kakashi disappeared into the forest, he resurfaced with Naruto on his back. Kakashi let him off as (Y/N) went to stand beside Kakashi. They both watched as the village all praised Naruto for saving the village.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t woken up.” (Y/N) said to Kakashi, her grip tightening around his hand.

“I know (Y/N).” He said and turned to her. “I love you (Y/N), and if I do die before you, then I would want you to keep living and be strong. I know how hard it would be, but I would want you to find someone else who would love you and hold you like I do.” He said pulling her into his arms.

“I would want the same for you.” She murmured into his ear. “I love you.”

“I love you too (Y/N).” From now on, (Y/N) would make sure to always be there for Kakashi to try and protect him the best she could. Kakashi’s arm wrapped around her waist as they both watched Naruto crowd surf. Now, they would have to rebuild the village and, hopefully, (Y/N) and Kakashi could start building a family.


End file.
